Friday, December 10, 2010

Special Date Day

I took Gramm to see the Nutcracker today. The twins were at home with a sitter and my sweet boy and I went on a little date. As the music began and the curtains were just starting to open, I looked down at my five year old. He was looking up at me, clapping, and smiling the most joyous, precious smile. I cried. I did. And I'm not ashamed to admit it. Something about his lit up face reminded me to thank God for my son.

Minutes before this special moment, I'd been wrangling my son and struggling with feeling embarrassed and frustrated by his behavior. The people pleaser in me dies a very, very ugly death every single time my son offends another child. It has to die. If I let the people pleaser rear it's head when Gramm embarrasses me, I end up punishing him for what I think he did to me. The thing is, when he sins, he's not doing it to me. He is sinning against God. It took me a loooooong time to not take Gramm's behavior personally. I was angry at my son for behaving in ways that were inconvenient, embarrassing or annoying to me. I now see that this anger was fueled by the fact that I care(d) so stinking much what other people think of my son and my parenting skills. I mean, really, if I were just a better mom, my son wouldn't repeatedly poke a complete stranger, he wouldn't hit anyone, etc. Right? Right? Wrong. My children will sin. They are fallen from birth, just like me. They need grace, forgiveness. They need Jesus. Just like me. And, they need loving discipline. Not the teeth gritting, threat making, flustered, unkind Mama I've been in some not-so-great moments. I am so thankful that His mercies are new every morning. We didn't make it through the entire ballet, but we enjoyed it nonetheless. :) And, by God's grace, I stayed calm. Here's a pic of the two of us:

These are two of our favorite peops who just happened to be there; Julie and John Isaac. I have such a kind, non-judging, loving friend in Julie Majors. Btw, that is not her normal expression. Tehehehe.


  1. Thanks for sharing your heart. I too have gone through (and keep going through) these exact same things with my children but especially my first born... I remember carrying him out of Kroger kicking and screaming when it dawned on me that my main source of anger was that people would think I was not a good mother... after that I realized God had made this precious, passionate boy and if I could/would seek God in how to raise him (instead of seeking other people's approval) god would use his passion for great things! It is still a battle for me but God is full of grace and forgiveness when I let the pressures of this world guide me instead of Him.
    On a side note - I took Bowden and Evynn last year and we did not make it through either... Bowden said he would be happy for me to take his sisters back but would rather not see it again! Ahhh boys!

  2. Holly, Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for opening up your heart on this page and sharing. I think that it is very easy as a mommy to fall into the trap of thinking that other mommies are perfect and never think "these things". Your heart is beautiful and I love you!