Thursday, March 11, 2010

Foster Care Change of Plans

We had our final walk through on Monday. It went really well. As far as we knew, we could open our home to foster children immediately. On Tuesday, I received the following email from the caseworker who did our walk through:


Yesterday during your final walk through you indicated that you want to foster children between the ages of 0-12 months. Licensing standards state that a home can not have more two children ages 2 and under including biological children. Under these circumstances, you will have to foster children that are 3 years and older until your twins turn 3 years old. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me."

We read the licensing standards during our training in September and asked about this issue specifically, but were assured that because the need for foster parents is so great, we would still be able to foster infants in our home. We do not feel lead to care for foster children over the age of 3 years at this time which means we will not be foster parents until this time next year when the twins turn 3.

Interestingly enough, these licensing standards do not apply to adoption. We can still adopt a child younger than 3 years old if we are matched with one. We should receive a letter from an adoption specialist in the next three weeks stating that our home is officially open for adoption. The odds of adopting a child twelve months of age and younger through the state are pretty slim, but we are not without hope that there is a child waiting to join our family. My job as a perspective adoptive mother is to wait patiently and gently and consistently remind the adoption unit that our home is open and we'd like to adopt a very young African American child. There are more details, but I will not bore you all with them. Suffice it to say, plans have changed. Now begins the wait. :)

Over the past two days, I have felt deep disappointment. My expectations have not been met. I've been tempted to give up hope. We have a little crib all set up for foster babies complete with periwinkle crib sheets, new pacis and three different sizes of diapers. I even bought a couple of baby outfits that I just could not resist. In my worst moment yesterday, I told Justin to take down the crib and put it in the attic. I didn't want to look at it. I didn't want to be reminded to hope. I am so glad God's mercies are new every morning, because today I am hopeful. My sweet sister reminded me this morning to continue to hope and pray boldly. Plans have changed. The system is not perfect, but that doesn't mean we should tuck tail and run. I have said from the beginning that I cannot let my fear of hurt and disappointment keep me from caring for the orphans in our community. Granted, we may wait an entire year with no baby and begin this time next year in the same place we are now. But, you know, the Lord may have a child for us in the coming months as well. He knows if there is a little one who needs us. He knows. He knows. He loves us. He loves us. He loves us.

I have seen over the past few days that others are bewildered by my disappointment. Why would a mother with three precious children have a desire for yet another child? Why would someone who gets pregnant with no complications desire to adopt or care for foster children? Why would a busy and sometimes very frazzled young mother desire to take another child? Why would I want to do this when I don't have to? Here's why:

Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world. James 1:27

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! Psalm 127:3,4,5a

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.
2 Corinthians 1:3-5

But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere. 2 Corinthians 2:14


  1. Love this post's good to hear your heart. I'm sorry things are not working out the way you had hoped...but as you said, don't stop hoping!

  2. I read this post this morning and was praying over it and I feel like the Lord laid 2 verses on my heart. One is Proverbs 16:9 "We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps" And I feel like God has given you and your family this desire, it just isn't playing out the way it seems it should. He has promised us that He has plans to give us future and hope for His glory (Jeremiah 29:11). Also, I thought of James 1:2&3 "Dear brothers and sisters,when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow." What an opportunity the Lord has laid before you and your family to grow in His strength, to place your faith fully in Him. It makes no sense why there wouldn't be a way for a loving, healthy, young family to begin fostering now with the need so high, but I know God is in control and He didn't bring this desire to you only to shut you down. Stay strong and press in! I love your heart and passion for Him and His children. I hope that this will only deepen your faith and enrich your family for His good and glory. I know I look forward to seeing what He has planned for you guys and where He wants to take you and your family in the coming weeks, months and years! :) So glad to know you and thanks for sharing your heart, especially in this difficult time.
    Much Love- Amy James

  3. Holly, thanks for sharing your heart and being so willing to open your home. God knows your dedication and love for His children! No Good thing does HE with hold from those who walk uprightly. You keep that crib up and room ready as a sign to the evil one that YOU will NOT back down! The Lord is your VICTORY!!!!! Love you!

  4. I wanted to encourage you to not give up hope. My heart hurts for you, I know this is a big disappointment for you. God does have a plan for you, and it will happen. I will be praying for you. I feel frustrated too...b/c I know they are looking every week for someone to take babies, and we all know you would give one so much love, and a great home.

    I don't know if this helps any, but when we were trying to get our home open, it took a really long time. There were so many setbacks, and it took much longer than they told us it would. I remember, during the month of May talking to my mom about it, and I said, "maybe our child God has for us hasn't been born yet, or maybe he isn't in care yet." I was right. Our child wasn't born until July, but he wasn't in the place where we could get him until our home was open in August. I KNOW, without a doubt, that it was God's timing, and now, looking back, I would not change one thing. He is the most precious gift, and if things had happened on my timing, when I wanted them to, then I would never know him.

    Just know God does have a plan, and he knows who he needs you to care for, and he will change your heart, whether it be for someone older now, or he will allow a young one for you to adopt to come along. I will be praying for you to have peace during this time.

    As far as you wanting more when you already have 3? You will always have people that will question that, b/c the majority of the world doesn't think like us "foster moms" haha. Don't let that get you down. I totally understand where you are coming from. You will just have the opportunity to open their eyes....they can watch through you, and see what it is like to love a child that isn't your own...and they can see what an amazing and precious gift these children can be, that they are so worthy of love. I know that being a foster mom has changed good ways.

    BTW....I don't know if you know me, I met you at Christie's boy's b-day party. Amy told me about what you are going through, and I found your blog through hers. I wanted to let you know that I am here as a friend to you.